Sunday, October 07, 2007

Life and Death

My grandfather, the patriarch of our famil, died yesterday. As always with these brushes with death I think, or rethink, what I am doing with my time, my life. This moment. Well, this moment I am writing to you, an invisible audience, in my effort to make sense of it all, life, the Big Picture.

Recently a friend of mine was having to make a major career/life decision. I gave her the best advice I ever got: Ask your self "What if I knew I was going to be run over by a truck tomorrow(ie. die), what would I do today?" Those words, said to me by a mentor years ago when I was also struggling to figure out what to do with my life, are the reason I'm doing art today. So, in light of these present circumstances, do I still feel that way? Yup. More so. I want to put my whole heart into it, I shall, I do.

You might think this a little self-absorbed (as writing a blog is too somewhat) and it is. And it isn't. On the self side, it keeps me sane, brings me a sense of peace, meditation, equilibrium. It can also challenge me and frustrate me, but, call me crazy, I think that's fun. On what I hope to be the more altruistic side, I hope that it makes me a better person to others and also that I am contributing to beauty in the world, though that is of course debatable. My ego isn't so fragile that I can't take a few punches there.

I am indeed thinking how I can give more though. I do feel a need to contribute and believe I can do so through teaching. When, to whom, and how I need to decide. I'm lucky enough to have a venue now, so that main part is at least not a worry. Anyway, in the meantime, I'll be taking a week off to visit family, so it might be a bit before I get back to this blog. Not that I'm the most regular in posting. I think I'll use the time off to explore this teaching idea and a few other goals. We're only here a short time and as long as my truck hasn't passed yet, I'm going to be doing art and sharing what I can from that trip.

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