The Path of Creativity

Bouquet

2011-10-29T02:41:00.000-07:00

Dried sunflowers.

On the table.

In the blue vase.

Grey skies.

Brown trees against the pale light.

Yellow leaves against worn red brick.

It's time for fresh flowers.

Observation

2011-10-28T00:05:00.000-07:00

Walking into the kitchen, the neighbor across the yard sits in red with the light on.

Yesterday she turned the light off when I looked her way.

It's inevitable.

She's across the way.

In the window.

With the light on.

In red.

Who wouldn't look?

Today I look away.

I look at the pigeon on her roof.

I look at the sky, trying to determine which will win today, the gray or the blue.

I look at the bamboo growing up from the other neighbor's garden and

the two stumps of pine tree that they have left to hang their hammock on.

The water boils and I stir it into my chicory.

Three drops of stevia.

As usual I think it will be too sweet, but I do it anyway.

I open the fridge.

I close the fridge.

I turn.

She is still there.

In red.

With the light on.

And she is looking at me.

TTT

2011-04-14T09:57:00.001-07:00

More images of Totally Terrific Texel!

And more to come!

Texel Time

2011-04-10T21:48:00.000-07:00

Texel is a municipality and an island in the Netherlands, in the province of North Holland. It is the biggest and most populated of theFrisian Islands in the Wadden Sea, and also the westernmost of this archipelago, which extends to Denmark. (Wikipedia)

And for four days it was heavenly. Here's how I saw it:

One word - space. Ok, another, peaceful. Just one more... sunshine. The triumvirate and holy trinity all rolled into one and just what the doctor ordered. As Spring began tickling the ivories of nature and before the tourist take-over I left my sketchbook at home and just pushed a button. Who knew life could be so easy?

Bedtime Stories

2011-02-03T14:14:00.000-08:00

My eyes are tired. From looking. Deeply. Into. Everything. Sleep, you might say. Close your eyes and dream, but then I'm still looking. Shall I describe the colors? Blue, black, embedded stars in the sky, white light. I hold tight to the ledge to keep from falling down and wake with clenched fists around the wooden handles of my brushes. It shouldn't be this hard, but sometimes it is. Sometimes it stretches so wide it breaks into ribbons of taffy that is too sweet and sticks to the roof of my mouth. So much to remember, color, line, form, warm, cold, proportion... I have doubts...

Then, today, with the fickle sun shining through the colored panes, I too entered the age of enlightenment (at least for the moment), realizing that it is not with eyes that one sees, but the heart. Just the facts, ma'am. Let the facts lie, as they do. I prefer the mythology of my own reality. Cream no sugar, thanks.

Then and Now

2010-12-14T08:55:00.000-08:00

So, recently I showed you what I was doing back then, now I'll show you what I'm doing right now... well, not right now, but this last week, including today, when the sun was out..

So, firstly, here is a painting I've been working on of my father-in-law, Michel. I'm about three layers in but there'll be a few more coming, bringing the large masses together and softening edge, bringing in more light in some areas, reducing it in others, adding hue and taking it down a notch... you get the picture. He has requested that a bird be added so he does not feel alone, so I'm thinking about that one. It's tricky because I don't want the bird to be a distraction. I was tempted to get completely silly about it and have one coming out of his pocket or pulling a bee out of his ear ear or something... well we'll se what happens with that, time will tell. It's a bit blue and overexposed due to my slow learning curve in photography and Photoshop. I'll get that one figured out some day.

Sleeping Beauty

2010-12-11T12:51:00.000-08:00

Some time ago, over four years ago now, actually, I was working on a series of batik paintings based on the story of Sleeping Beauty. The images I made came from figure studies I had done. I love that story, how she is enveloped in sleep and the roses and thorns grow up around her. They are supposed to be hiding her from her salvation but I wonder if somehow they aren't meant as protection as well. Anyway, wasn't she lucky? She didn't have to go through the whole dating game, she just had lovely dreams waiting for Prince Charming to come and save her. It seems to me she had it pretty easy! But I digress...

So, I've been going through my textile "stash" as I've finally decided that that period is over and I found a piece that I worked on quite bit but still with some wax on it. It took some boiling to get most of the wax off and I still have some work to do. I think I had in mind to do one more layer, but hey, bygones. It's done for what it is, unless I decide to do some embroidery on it. I think I'll turn it into one big pillow. She has two sisters which I'll eventually get around to showing you. The original drawing hangs on the wall of a collector. If I find a photo of it, I'll post it too.

Here's to past endeavors and new discoveries. Perhaps there's more sleeping beauty to discover and, no doubt, more thorns to endure.

Harnessed

2010-07-09T00:42:00.000-07:00

"You are sentimental," he said. Because I kissed your harness before I gave it to the dog pound. It was not premeditated. It's just that it was yours and its synthetic feel reminds me of the softness of your fur, the curls in front and the caramel color which has now made me like orange, even though that used to be my least favorite color. Well, at least it's more of a rust-colored orange. Can't be going over to the other camp entirely.

Did you see how big the swan babies have gotten? The last day we walked together they were new. Mr. Swan was so protective the other day that he almost ate a small dog. You wouldn't have blinked an eye. Not you, the brave one who swam after the swan after you jumped/fell in the canal. He had his wings spread and was glorious in his whiteness, otherwise I would have noticed that you were walking too close to the edge. He came at you in full regalia but you steadfastly swam on, head on. A swan knows when it sees determination, I guess, because he hightailed it, or rather tucked in his tail and headed South. Not that that deterred you. As a mother I was fretful on the sidelines, but as a dog-in-spirit I was urging you on. Fearless. Luckily you stopped before the bridge and were willing to be pulled out, by your sturdy, red harness. You were feeling cooler after a swim, and quite a bit wet. You smelled of dog, wet dog, a wet dog with dry grass clinging to him, but exhilarated and I confessed to a desire to roll in the grass with you. I didn't though, I just kissed your harness at the kennel door. After all, it was the least I could do.

The Written Word

2010-07-08T02:39:00.000-07:00

I should love to write, tomes, volumes, a page, a sentence, something to empty my head and paint pictures in yours. I'd like to put down words that make you see what I see, the light on the canal, the changing grays and blues of the sky, the distance to the horizon and the butter on my bread. I'd like to have you dip it into the coffee of your soul and blend it into a mixture of your own tastes, your own interpretation, including jam of course. I'd like it to lift you out of your seat and make you want to dance a jig, then put you down lightly on a cushion of feathers, under which would lie a hidden stone, from the brook of my childhood running through the back yard. I'd like to give it to you like a gift, wrapped in pastel papers that whisper in your ear as you unwrap them, with a knot that is a challenge but not an impossibility keeping them closely ensconced until you can no longer help it but must untie it, taking the time it takes to figure out a puzzle on a cold, winter's evening by the fire. As you open it you will hear a sigh, barely audible, escape because I have been holding my breath waiting. Ahhh....

The End of the End

2010-05-18T07:33:00.001-07:00

Finally, at long last, I have finished the re-do of my portrait of Pauline. Whew! I started this months ago... Don't worry, it doesn't usually take me so long, ok maybe it has, but it won't now because I'm faster, better and built for speed! At least that's the idea. See, I've been getting caught up in the details, the typical forest vs. trees scenario. Well, that's over now, or at least in check and I feel a new dawn breaking. Forgive all these cliches. I do my best writing in the morning and it is now late morning so all my unconscious ability to blather on has been somewhat muffled. Besides, I'm hungry. So, without further ado (and apologies for my poor photography skills), Pauline's FINISHED portrait!

The Nature of the Beast

2010-05-06T21:24:00.000-07:00

Art is cruel, art is kind, art will come up to you and slap you in the face then tell you you are a god. Do you want an easy way out? Don't do art. Do you want to be challenged to your foundations and then challenged again on the new premises you have formed? Then choose art. Do you want to look into your soul, your heart, your psyche? Then do art. If you fear your own shadow, don't do art, or do it and learn not to fear but to explore it. Watch it grow in the evening and disappear only to show up the next day.

Art is a mirror in a fun house and you are looking into it hard but the second you think you know what you see the mirror changes and you morph into something else, don't look too hard, or, look sideways and you may catch a glimpse of what is real.

Art is mercury. Break the thermometer of society's rules and let the mercury flow out. It looks solid enough but try and capture it and it will split and break into new channels then rejoin again.

Art can capture reality, then reality changes, focus changes. You can see clearly or in soft focus or not at all. Art will teach you that every thing, every one is connected but you can also choose to show that they are not. If you miss the connection though, you will be looking only partly and miss the forest for the trees, the myriad of colors in the sunset, the texture of the air. Yes, you can choose not to take the challenge, you can choose to see only partly and you will get from A to B, Life to Death, but you might miss C, the process, the shear splendor of "being-ness".

Art is pen and pencil, paint and stone and chisel and brush and canvas, movement and voice, gesture and sound and word, but mostly it is a way of seeing. You can keep your eyes shut but you will still hear it come knocking and you can choose to answer or not. It could be a lion at the door or not and you may be consumed but like the phoenix you will rise again and again because you have begun a journey that is never ending, you have become aware.

Fall Leaves

2009-11-27T03:46:00.000-08:00

Right, now that I've finished my latest portrait, I'm finally back to a painting I started, would you believe, last Fall! It got put on the back burner as I forged ahead with portraiture but I've decided to make time to finish it. What you see above is another grisaille. My fingers are itching to begin adding the color! Still waiting one more day for drying.

I had a few issues. First I had some boullion to the right but it was scratching at the back of my brain in an annoying way. Something just wasn't working. In the end, just after I had put the finishing touches on it, I sat down in special thinking chair, a flea market rocking chair, and it all became clear. The boullion was just too much more information. What was needed was more repetition and something that gave more the feeling of space to balance the activity on the left. And so a leaf fell gently from the tree of inspiration and landed on the place of the boullion. It took some scraping and painting over but the change was made.

Next was the pot. What to put in the pot? I started with an onion, but then that made all the onions look like they were in a line. Then fava beans. Went so far as to paint them in but then painted them out. What? What? Stick of celery, no, it would be in the way of the leaves. Hmmm... something minimal. A pat of butter! (My friend Yoff's suggestion.) But that was a bit boring and where is the heat to melt it since it's not on a burner. Previously I had thought "empty". Stan said, "empty". My friend Cat said, "empty". My left brain was fighting with cries of , "No that would be too easy!" Then I discussed it with my friend Drolma and I suddenly saw, yes! Empty! Why? Because with the abundance of the harvest it was the perfect contrast. In addition, there are some lovely scratches and stains in the pot to play with and the solution was made. The carrots down below are in need of more leaves but I've decided to do most of that in the color stage, more alla prima style, if you will. Next step color!

In a Nutshell

2009-10-27T03:50:00.000-07:00

Ok, ok, I'm a lousy good-for-nothin' blogger, but I've been busy, well, and lazy, it's true. I finally took a few photos. They're not the best, but I'll put up better later, promise. These are photos of my latest passion, portraiture. Getting close to the mid-point of life I've decided to jump in the water all the way and make a decision about my career and it will be portraiture. Not that that choice will stop me from doing a still life here and there and a landscape or two. Can't keep a good woman down. Not that portraiture is down. It's fascinating. Because portraiture isn't just about the surface. It's about deep down in side. Who are you? Who do I perceive you to be? Who do you present yourself to be? Who are you today? Who will you be five minutes from now? It is the existentialist's dream, an exercise in mindfulness and being in the moment, an exploration into self and human nature. It is the story of your life and my life and you in my life, however temporary. It is the history of woman and man and it's all written on your face, how you hold your head, your body, how you gesture with your hands. And I get to be part of it. So to those who have posed for me already and those who will pose in the future, thank you.

Waterhouse

2009-03-01T01:19:00.000-08:00

John William Waterhouse. Yesterday I went to see an extensive show of this artist's work at the Groninger Museum. I took a three hour trip because that's just how much I've liked his work. I was excited and filled with anticipation. I thought about the beauty and color he portrayed in his "stories" on canvas, thinking, "At last I will see these stories come to life!".

Exactly the opposite feeling awaited me as I gazed at each, technically perfect, painting. More, what filled me was the feeling of being in a crypt. His models (or should I say model because he seems to use the same woman for every face) were all posed like mannequins, beautiful and graceful mannnequins, but dead to the world. Everything was perfect, from the veins in his marble to the weave of his rugs and yet...nothing, no soul, no life breathed there. In fact, I was surprised to find that I like his paintings much more in print then in real life!

He does get some life going in his landscapes, then he drops in a model from the studio and the birds stop singing. The wood becomes dead and nary a leaf can be heard to fall from a tree. Not surprising then, that the one painting that struck me was "Saint Elalia", which can be seen here: http://www.johnwaterhouse.com/view.cfm?recordid=76 (One of these days I'll figure out how to post outside images here.) She is truly dead and yet he brings more life to this painting than to all the other "live" models. His studies have more life in them. Pity he couldn't carry that over to his finished paintings, or "killed" it in the process.

So, once again, I am reminded that perfection and control does not result in beauty, no matter your skill in reproducing the real. Because real is not perfect, it is flawed, it is unfinished, it is faulted and it breathes life. This can not be captured by turning all to stone, immovable and unchanging. Leaving the mausoleum, oops, museum I strolled through the Saturday market and was restored to life, all the more poignant for this contrasting point of reference.

Glazing Over

2009-02-24T00:18:00.001-08:00

I've been spending much time reading about what others think these days so I thought I'd put in a few cents of my own. Actually, the time I've spent on others thoughts has been scattered in short increments, because for the last couple of months, I've been in intensive study of portraiture. Whew! What a process! It's been a struggle both personal and creatively, learning new techniques but mostly banishing old bad habits. ("Out, out damned spots!," she cried as the nasty bad habits clung to the hem of her psyche.) Currently though, things are going good, connections are being made and old memories of knowledge being mixed with new understanding.

We are dealing with glazes now as we add color to the layers of grisaille. It is magic. I was lost for a while watching the magic, then I remembered a painting class I had back in college, back in the day as they say... The teacher was Frank Hobbes, a local painter and he was only there for a semester or a year, I believe. Too bad they didn't keep him because I would have taken any class I could have gotten from him and learned perhaps a bit more of what I am now learning years later. He had me paint a copy of a Rembrandt, a self-portrait (one among many). With that portrait I learned about...glazing! And with that memory comes back the knowledge that I can apply today. It's a case of adding a glaze of color to push back the painting into the shadow, and then adding more light, then when that's dry doing it again, and again, till it becomes clear and full of layers of light and color. It never ceases to amaze me how it works, pushing it back, then pulling it back out again into the light.

Pondering this miracle, I was thinking it's not unlike the process we go through in life. We have these moments where the light gets in, then times when it is pushed back down, then we must look for the light again and pull it out of the shadows. This happens in layers upon layers all our lives. It's so easy to stay in the shadows, feeling our way but never coming clear. So difficult to know where to look for the light, to pull it out of the murky darkness. But there it is, and when the light is revealed we become more three dimensional, more whole.

Some of those things that were in the shadows can remain. They don't need illumination, and actually lend to the beauty of the light. They have their own colors that will be reflected in the light to give it life. Without those shadows, there would be no light, only flat color. So now, as I paint my glazes, or perhaps in quiet moments of reflection such as this, I am observing the shadows, their colors, how sometimes I was in the deep shadow but reached for the light, no matter how feeble. I can feel my skin vibrate with the interplay of the two and their own nuances as I watch the portrait of my life develop and become whole. When it is done it will look just like me.

P.S. Thank you, Frank Hobbes, for believing in me. You once said I had the guts to be an artist and those are words I still cherish.

Creatures of Habit

2009-01-05T14:26:00.000-08:00

Every morning my cat wakes me up in that very special way that cat's have. She begins by standing, stretching, then carefully walking all over my body. If this receives no response, she tickles my face with her whiskers, that failing, she will go scratch the rug, a sure-fire way to get me out of bed to keep her from destroying it. We go downstairs where she will circle, show her leg, rub against my legs, in other words, plea in no uncertain terms that she must eat or starve. A guy named Pavlov figured out why all this takes place a long time ago and since we're all familiar with his theory, most of us, I won't bore you with the details.

Now, right up there with Pavlov's star in the sky, I have placed Twyla Tharp. She has hit the same nail on the head, but at a different angle and it has gone straight to my heart. She has written a wonderful book called, "The Creative Habit". I haven't read the whole thing yet, so I can't comment on all of it right now, but what has had a major impact on my day is her concept of ritual. Well, it's not really her concept, because it has been going on for centuries, but her application of it is so clear that it can't be ignored. I won't rewrite her book for her, but I want to tell you how it's affected me.

Since reading her book, I began getting up at 6 am, feeding the cat (no need for an alarm when you have a cat) and doing yoga. Then, I have breakfast in front of the computer, do the rest of my morning preparations and go for a walk for an hour. When I get back I make a big cup of chicory and oat milk (my substitute for coffee) and face the canvas. This is my new ritual. I'd say I've been doing it for about two weeks now. Previously, I got ready in various ways without examining my "ritual". Some days it worked, some days it didn't.

This works. Not only does it work, but I've discovered something important this morning since I've changed my ritual. I slept in an hour extra, or tried to, anyway I lost an hour. I'm not doing yoga this morning because I have yoga class this evening and yesterday I changed it too; I didn't take my morning walk and went to the store instead. What I have noticed is this...it is unsettling. I woke up this morning needing that stretch and I'm not getting it. Something seems amiss. I have to think about what I'm going to do next. I feel out of sorts. I did this last week too, missing my yoga in the morning and it took me all day to get some sort of creative flow. (I hope that's not the case today.) What I'm saying is that I've developed a habit. Just like the cat. If she doesn't get her morning meal, she thinks she might starve. Her stomach tells her that too. Just like me trying to sleep in, my body woke up at 6, ready for it's morning stretch to start the day.

This is all probably not new to those of you who have a routine. All the more so since most of you have a job to go to in the morning. For me, it is a surprise. I've always seen myself as someone who has shirked the "routine". I've never made myself consistently do it because I thought I couldn't stick to it. Now I see if you don't set up a routine, you will inevitably make one. Why? Because we are "creatures of habit". For the first time I understand that phrase. Habit, routine, ritual brings comfort, stability, and room to breathe because if the routine is there then other stuff can happen without too much crisis, like when the cat throws up or my knitting goes awry, that's O.K., because I've had my routine (cup of coffee, morning run, hour of the morning news, shower, whatever works for you).

I spent 7 years going back and forth from France to the States every three months, only to discover that I craved stability, staying put. And now, at (almost) 44 I've discovered the blessing, the freedom, of routine. Who knew? This same routine is getting me in the studio every day. I feel like Twyla Tharp handed me a key to a new door but the key seems very familiar. Over the years I've had routines to get to work, but never looked at them this closely. Never said, "O.K., this is what works for me and I'm going to use it as a formula to get work done". That has all changed, I am now a creature of habit.

Long Overdue

2008-12-29T09:17:00.000-08:00

Yes, yes, yes, long overdue, indeed. It has been some time since we visited, has it not? Well, here I am, present and accounted for, at the moment. So much has happened it is difficult to recount. First and foremost, I finished my painting of Clafoutis, better known as, "I Gave My Love a Cherry". You can see it above. Perhaps not the best photo. I will replace it later, but I did not want to deprive you further. ;0) I'm currently starting two new paintings...that's right, doing double duty. One will be yet another soup, this one a pumpkin soup. I can attest to it's taste, delicious (if I do say so myself), since I made it on Thanksgiving (the soup, not the painting!). And a nice fall painting of a Tart Tatin. I'm eating apples all along to preserve the taste in my mouth. Mmmm... It reminds me of the lovely apple trees in my garden in Savoy. Just the right tartness for a pie and great for making canned applesauce too. Just looking for one small object to give it the right ambiance. All is drawn on canvas and tomorrow I begin the grisailles! Two paintings will give me a chance to switch off when one is drying or I need "new eyes" to see the one I'm working on. Have I whetted your appetite? I think I'll go have another bite of apple. Royal Gala, or Granny Smith? Too many choices...

P.S. I've just uploaded a better image. Enjoy!

Backatcha

2008-09-19T22:57:00.000-07:00

This week my painting got away from me again. I painted the first two days of the week, then contractors came in again and it was out the window. See, when I work I have to get into this peaceful space bubble and lose the distractions of the "real" world. Not so easy to do when someone is banging around.

Plus, I have this built in personality clause that says if someone is in your house you are the hostess/host and must make it a pleasant experience for them. Workers, friends, family, people who drop in off the street, doesn't matter. My home is like a part of me (well, my husband and I) and when you enter our world I want it to be a place of welcoming. Can't help it, it's there, like the impulse to kick when the doctor hits your knee reflex. So, I'm hopping around, making tea, making pleasant conversation, making sure they have everything they need. Not painting.

What I did do was knit. There's a million other things I should have done, empty boxes, do paper work, but I was dealing with my stress so I knit. Plus I have this deadline for class this morning and I wanted very much to meet it. (To that end I will knit seven more cm if I can this morning.) In doing so, I did realize that the knitting served it's purpose. It is helping my beginnings of arthritis and the cut nerve in my left hand is feeling a bit better, though I'm told I will always feel it. (I consider it my mindfulness bell and that rationale somehow makes it ok.)

Knitting got me back in a place I wanted to be again in my head, like leaving breadcrumbs in the forest, only they didn't get eaten by the birds. See, I don't deal well with moving, let alone jacking myself up on caffeine to get through all the necessary (?) renovations. Kinda waaaaay allergic to caffeine so that was a bad plan. (That's why the hand is a bell, reminding me not to have more caffeine...ever.)

So, now that I have come, more or less, back, finding myself home again, I need to reflect on the breadcrumbs. Do I eat them and say the cake is finished, back to work? Well, as it helps my hands and as it gives me great pleasure and keeps me mindful, no. But I have decided it will now have to take a back seat to the task at hand, that is doing my work (painting, drawing) full time all the time. I will pick up the knitting only at night to unwind that ball of yarn which is my thoughts. It's good to be back, good to see the blue sky in between the clouds as they break up. And if I need it I can always pick up the sticks, knit, purl, knit purl, knit, purl...breathe.

Love, Love, Love

2008-09-16T23:18:00.000-07:00

I knew it. At least I knew it and then I forgot and now I know it again in a new way. If you want to do good art there is only one thing that matters, well one main thing, you have to do it with love. See, I grew up in California in the late sixties so I got a good dose of all that love hippie culture and man did it stick! I wore a groovy Love pin to school one day, purple and pink in big loopy letters. I sat in the big red leather reading chair while kids taunted me for believing in love. I was undaunted. Yes, I believed. I became a leader of a Circle K group and was asked in a leaders conference what my one word for leadership would be if I could sum it up, love. This was met with skepticism also. Still undaunted. I got into so much trouble believing this sometimes that it got me into some sticky situations I won't go into here.

But here's the thing. I still believe. I believe in giving it to others and in giving it to everything you do. I also believe now in something I had forgotten, or at least pushed back from time to time, in giving it to myself. Mom always said "you can't love others till you love yourself". Well, that's not altogether true, but it is true that you can't be your best to others if you don't treat yourself with love. I know that for a fact, folks.

But this isn't what I wanted to talk about. What I wanted to say is that if you are doing art, writing, creating, painting, forget about the money, forget that anybody is going to see it or judge it, go to that center place and ask yourself. What do I love? What do I want to paint that I love, that brings me joy, that I want to stare at for hours, curl up in, wind myself around? Can't guarantee that it will sell you some art, can't even say others will like it, but you will. And as an added bonus, if you put love into it, care for it, raise it up, it might even be a thing of beauty, one that perhaps comes close to that nectar of the gods you are looking for. But still, even if it's not, it might be the next one, or the next, and in the meantime you are in a place of bliss that will feed and nourish you to keep reaching for that chalice. Love is all you need, yup, I still believe in that, goofy, hippie, whatever. I am undaunted.

Mindfulness

2008-07-29T08:16:00.000-07:00

Long time, no write. Mostly because I'm feeling badly about not giving you more pictures, but also because I've been working through stuff and still trying to get this apartment in working order. The good news: I'm back to painting, and yes I'll eventually get to a picture here and there. Also knitting. Knitting is teaching me about painting and my learning style and just in general how to "be".

For instance, lately I've been working on the back of a sweater and have "ripped" it out about, oh, ten times for various errors. So that means I started it over and over again. Now, I could get frustrated and give it all up (and don't think that didn't occur to me) but instead I'm trying to learn from it. See, knitting is a process of mindfulness and meditation for me. That's the whole reason I got into it, well that and getting out of the house once in a while to see people or else I will lose the ability to speak. (Dealing in images does that to me, just totally shuts off the verbal language of my brain.)

So, what has all this ripping done? Well, it told me that I was not being mindful, focusing, paying attention, whatever you want to call it. So, finally I sat down and spoke the word for the thing I was doing (knit, purl, knit, purl, knit, purl...) to remind me to focus. The world dropped away and I was enclosed in this bubble. Just like meditation, thoughts came up and I let them but I kept my focus on the knit, purl, knit and they passed right on through. Fast forward to painting today, all those voices that interrupt me came on (like "can I really do this?" or wondering if I have the talent to get it right, which is pretty much the same thing) but I could let that come, recognize it and let it pass through as I got to the important stuff, the task at hand.

The painting process in itself if a meditation. It makes me stop and look, and look again, and see what is before me. As an added benefit, it slows down time. I experienced this the other day too. I decided that when walking my dog Leon, instead of rushing pell mell, I would slow down taking in one breath for one step and exhaling with the next. Yeah, it took a really long time to get down the street, but in the meantime, I saw, really saw everything around me, the leaves on the trees, the wonderful contrast of shadow and light in the early morning, the rings of water around the ducks and I really felt at peace. Knit, purl, knit, purl, knit, purl, breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out. It's all good.

Food of the Gods

2008-06-21T12:29:00.000-07:00

"My studio is a temple, I see it that way, I always have and I know a lot of artists who would agree with me there's something about a studio that is a sacred space and no non-artist would understand that but it is my religion. Art is my religion and the studio is the temple where I practice that and it's where I feel most comfortable and where I'm most myself, it's where I express the passion that I have for art making..." Michael James
http://www.unl.edu/mjames_quilts/

Picked up the above quote somewhere because it rang so true with what I have been doing the last 6 months. Constructing my temple. Since I'm going to be working from home, correction, am working from home, it is that much more important to me that this space that surrounds me echo the sentiments that I want to represent in my drawing and painting and art in general. Still not quite there yet...books need to be put away, curtains shortened, pictures hung, but I did nonetheless begin a painting, at least the drawing of it. Already I know this was the right decision, bringing my workspace home, where my heart and center is, even if there lies a bit of chaos to organize.

Spent this last week force feeding myself studies on perspective. It's a kind of math thing so my Brain is rejecting it, but I am insisting, so it is going to bend to my will. I keep trying to convince it, "This is fun! We can move things in space!" My Brain just sits there with it's arms crossed and brows lowered and says, "It's math." "Yes," I reply, "but look at what we can do with it! We can bend and shape reality!" Sullenly, "It's math," is all I get from my Brain. So this week I forced open the door and threw in a few items. A few were thrown back out, but I think I got it to swallow a few bits. Math or no, Brain will have to take this medicine. Anyway, we all know that a bitter pill is bitter because it is good for you, right? Right.

Off we go then, into the temple to study the knowledge of the gods and hope that fruit will be born of such sustenance.

Long Unwinding Road

2008-06-12T13:28:00.000-07:00

AT LAST!!! One more coat of varnish on the base boards, some small wall painting touch ups, bit of paperwork catch up tomorrow and I'll be ready to get back to work next week! Yipee! I have to admit I'm having some anxiety after all this time away from the canvas. Picture me verrry, verry small, and BIG, HUGE, GIGANTIC WHITE CANVAS looming in front. That's how I've been feeling. So silly, I know. And all that anxiety pushes away what I know I know. So, I'm going back to the basics to remind myself that I do know what I'm doing and can prove it! LOL So, what are those basics? Well...negative space, that's really important. I want to think more about the Notan, the Japanese concept of positive and negative space. And of course can't forget those design elements, to which the former is included. Selective Focus, got that, going to work with the big shapes first and then refine. Look a the whole and not get caught up in details that aren't important till the end. Keep it simple, relax, have fun, get into the process. And most of all work, work, work. It is the only way to learn and get over the fear of making mistakes. Whew, I feel better already.

Black and White and Red All Over

2008-05-29T21:56:00.000-07:00

Several times recently the issue of mental health and art has come up in discussions with friends. Robert Genn has written a recent artist's letter regarding the over-emphasis on happiness. And I've been on my own path of discovery as well in this realm. There does seem to be an incredible emphasis these days on being happy, and being "normal". But what is happiness? What is normal? For everyone these interpretations are different. Nature and nurture have a role to play in how we see the world.

I've been reading about Highly Sensitive People because for the most part I fit in this category, but in examining it I realize I also fit into my own category. Each one of us sees the world from our own perspective. In a way, we are all speaking our own language and trying to understand each other at the same time. Not always an easy task. No wonder that we have so many issues with cultures clashing these days. First there is the language, the culture and then there's the individual. I'm thankful that we are not all the same. That our different perspectives challenge us to understand others.

Art can help us in this realm. It can give us ways to define our vision and also share that vision with others. Without the ups and downs of life where would art be today? Where the vibrancy? Where the life? Nope, I'm not ungrateful for the experiences I've had, especially the the tough times. Those experiences molded me into who I am and give me what I need to see and create with the intensity I feel.

Happiness and normalcy are overrated. We don't live in a generic world and I hope we don't manage to make it so. Accept the differences in yourself and others. Learn from them. Try to understand them though you don't need to incorporate them. The colors of the world are my palette. It just ain't all black and white. Get the picture?

Dog Days

2008-05-12T01:27:00.000-07:00

Good Morning. Wow, we've had record sunny and warm days here in The Netherlands. And it's only May! Every day I start out by doing my yoga and then taking the dog for a walk along the canal. As a matter of fact, I end it that way too, walking along the canal. It is my Guermantes Way. It is always so soothing, watching the water flow, Leon runs along side. I take a book to read to pass the time waiting till he's ready to come out of the gate that surrounds the canal. Soothing...

Yesterday though, that calm meditative state was broken by the following:

Calmly I strolled along the canal as Leon ran, sniffed, ran, sniffed, the sun shining still in early evening, sparkling off the water, green all around and flowers in full bloom. Down the canal I see the most beautiful white swan. His wings are outstretched and he is majestic. I reflect that this is an aggressive pose and think, "What is disturbing him?"

Then, I focus on Leon again, no longer running, sniffing, but in the hunting walk of a typical English Springer, head low down, back straight, tail stiffened, taking careful steps, right on the edge of the canal, stretching his neck to get closer to the swan who is in unreachable in the the middle, and then...splash! He's in the water! The swan is gigantic now and hissing and Leon, unperturbed, is swimming toward him. Luckily, the swan decides it's not a good idea to stick around and begins to swim away. No problem, Leon swims after. By this time, I'm at the edge of the canal, having skirted dog doo and yelling for him to come back. He's not listening, he's after quarry. In fact he thinks I'm cheering him on.

I scramble back up to the fence and out the gate and hightail it to where he is because 1) He's heading for the bridge and I'm unsure where and how this canal ends and 2) He can not get out with the high walls around the canal. Quickly, I'm calculating how I can catch him and resigning myself to a swim if necessary.

Ahhh...at last, just before the bridge he resigns himself that it is a lost cause and he is an old man after all. He's just a little bit ahead of me and tries scaling the wall. This is when he realizes that he's not in a good spot. I run on ahead and call him, kneeling down and when he swims over, I grab his harness and pull him out. Saved! At this moment I have a wet dog and am sitting in grass that is well used by many doggies (you get the picture), but who cares? I have my doggie again and he's safe. Whew! Life is never boring with Leon.

I'm going to go see right now if I can try and reconstruct these images in my sketchbook. Wish me luck!

Breathing Lessons

2008-05-08T05:39:00.000-07:00

I've taken to writing out my schedule the nite before. I'm finding that this really relaxes me. Knowing what's ahead and alloting time for it releases me from having to think about all I have to get done. Not that it doesn't leave time for procrastination, that still gets in the mix, and I am open to the schedule changing during the day as things arrange themselves, but it does make me feel like things can get done. And gives me more time in the day! Sometimes I'm ahead of schedule, which is cool. The main thing is it's teaching me that I can only get so much done in a day and I don't have to feel bad for not getting my whole mental list done. Sticking to the drawing in the morning and it's really great. Already feeling a sense of relief, that there's no pressure in the drawing, that if I don't get any work done in the day because of the whole move scenario, at least I've drawn. It keeps my brain alive. I feel like someone is momentarily whispering "Wake up Sleeping Beauty" and I discover the world around me in a new and connected way.

I've also started something new, knitting! Ok, like you have time, you say...but, you know what? It's really relaxing, well after I let myself relax and realize I don't have to get it perfect and I'm learning. Do you know what? If you make a mistake, you can fudge it! Like that. Though sometimes you have to rip it all out, but that's ok, because it's not about the product, it's about the process. It's a nice way to socialize and pick up a meditative habit. What's more meditative than making the same movement over and over in a focused way. It's not drawing and it's not painting, but I think in some way it is going to help all that. So, big huge thanks to Pauline at http://www.woool.nl/ She has tons of patience and is just, well, nice. If you're in the Hague and need a break from all the stress, try it out.

Yoga today also, was WONDERFUL. It is in the 20s (celcius) and I did it on the roof terrace in the sun. A little difficult to drag myself off to putting Ikea furniture together again, but I'm in the right mindset now. Even got a bit of chanting meditation in.

THIS, is who I want to be...a peaceful, creative person. NOT, the person who worries about the future without living today. Every morning, on my walk with Leon, I say this to myself, "There is no future, there is no past, there is only this moment." And yes, Pauline, it reminds me to do what you reminded me is so essential, "Breathe."

Ongoing Commitments

2008-05-06T12:48:00.000-07:00

Ok, The List. So far, I blew the commitment to draw today. Thought I would draw this afternoon instead but was busy. So...I have to stick to that commitment of the morning ritual so I might miss it other days. Still have this evening but I prefer the natural light.

So let's see, what else, well, this one I will list will have to start when I have some more space here in the house/studio and things are a bit more settled, no more than two weeks from now (and that is FINAL!):

4) I commit to working, painting or drawing (and this includes finishing the batik I started a year ago), five solid hours a day. I'll do more if I can, but I have to juggle all the rest of my responsabilites in there, so I'm trying to be realistic.

5) I commit to studying about art at least one hour a week. (Reading books on technique, picking up tips here on the web.)

Here's one that will have to take place in the Fall or Winter:

6) I commit to learning to speak, read and understand Dutch. (I didn't put in writing 'cause I already don't write in French much and that language is more important to me. Here, I can get away with writing in English.) So, this will mean taking classes again. Blech! But I've had enough of being on the outside and we're apparently making this our home for the foreseeable future.

That might just be it, folks. Seems like an achievable list. There's lots more I would like to achieve, but I think I'll make a separate list for that. I'll also be analyzing my past year's work and where I want to go from here with some goals to achieve. Getting my house in order in more ways than one.

And yes, I'm still doing the Ikea assembly line thing.

Stuff and Sense

2008-05-01T09:56:00.000-07:00

As my doggie so patiently awaits his walk, I'm taking a few minutes to check in here. This move has really taken a toll on every aspect of my creative life, including writing here! Currently, I'm the Ikea assembly queen. We got a bunch of furniture to put all our STUFF away at last. Tomorrow I'm gonna get more so I can put away more STUFF. What do I need all the STUFF for anyway? Beats me, but in the meantime I have it so it's gotta go somewhere.

It occurs to me that, since I was painting a radiator and walls on my birthday, I completely missed my yearly ritual of new birth year Resolutions. I'm going to change the word here though and call it Commitments. So here and now, and in the next few days, I'm going to begin a list of my new Commitments, not necessarily in order of importance...

1) I commit to myself. That is, I commit to not letting my self, my most vital needs for self survival, be put aside regardless of the circumstances I find myself in.

2) I commit to doing yoga, even if it is only five Sun Salutations, every morning.

3) I commit to drawing, either in my Moleskin or on some other paper, every morning for a minimum of 20 minutes a day.

Ok, Leon is waiting, but patience is wearing thin, so I will start with those three and add, though I want to keep this simple and achievable.

Getting back on the path...

Back Atcha

2008-04-16T08:17:00.000-07:00

Hi Folks...
It's been a while and a wild ride doing the whole move and renovation of our new home/studio. Yes, I'm moving it all back here, paints, brushes, pencils and all. The north light in the kitchen and living room will be perfect for painting (if we ever move the boxes...) and I now have a small room all to myself for drawing with a drawing table. It's improving all the time, more shelving going in the closet, projects for a few shelves for paintings and a bulletin board so I can tack up my drawings. Such a relief to have that space and to begin to draw again after three and a half arduous months. Never planned it that way, but that is how long in took.

So, what have I learned from this experience? Well, first of all, that a painter of canvases, especially realism and fine art should not be the one painting walls, unless that is your vision, of course. It took me probably double the time of a regular painter because I got so caught up in the perfection of it and the texture etc. Yes, I found out it can be simpler, but by then it was too late, three rooms too late. By the time I began painting the woodwork I had had it.

Secondly, never, never let your art go if you are an artist. Take time out, even if it is only an hour each day, to do it. Why? Well, you might think it is because of loss of technique, but after a few days I'm not feeling too lost, no, it is more of a loss of soul, or starvation of the soul. Those of you who are dedicated artists out there, and you know who you are, know that art is not a choice, it is a possesion, a driving desire and to deny that is like denying your stomach food when you are hungry. First, there are the pangs of hunger, then a feeling of aggression and after a while, your teeth grow longer. Then a feeling of desperation sets in, and finally a loss of hope. I definitely reached the last and finally had to find my way back and quick.

The good news is that I learned more, am learning more, about my self in the process, what I need to survive, what I need to let go of, and I think this will make me a better artist in the long run. At least that's the theory. Will I manage to fix all my flaws? Probably not, but then those are some of the things that make me do the art I do. If I felt completely sane I might be satisfied to let others do art and just enjoy it, but it is my flesh, blood and bones, so personal
flaws and all I will keep making it. Keep posted for pictures in the near future.

Cosmetics

2008-01-13T02:55:00.000-08:00

Last day before the packing and move to our new home. I spent ten hours yesterday painting the walls, and two days of painting the ceiling before that, of the living room. Next are three smaller, thankfully, rooms to be painted and wallpaper to be taken down, also sanding and varnishing the living room floor. After this I'll look forward to collapsing and hopefully my right hand will survive to go back to do more painting and drawing! I have so much respect for those who do this kind of work for a living. It can be very Zen though, rolling the paint roller back and forth for hours. Wax on, wax off...and I wax on when I should be getting ready. Just to let you, my imaginary audience, know I will be internetless for three weeks. Sounds like a good excuse to find a nice internet cafe, have a warm drink and get away from all the physical labor...but it's Off to the races! for now. Toodles, Kim

That Lovin' Feeling

2008-01-01T23:38:00.000-08:00

Not being one for New Year's Resolutions, I didn't make a list. I do all that stuff on my birthday, yearly review, assessment of goals met and new ones to achieve etc., so I'm gonna put that off till February. That didn't stop me from waking up this morning and feeling I needed, nonetheless, to start the New Year on the right note. Hold your breath and don't laugh, but that note is LOVE. No, I didn't join a commune or find a new (or old) god or anything like that. Though, I will confess to being a child of the late 60's born and partially raised (having been dragged kicking and screaming to the Midwest at the tender age of 10) in California.

I've always believed in love, the whole concept of acting in love. I was thrilled when one day, around six years old, my sister let me borrow her LOVE pin. It was a huge circle with those letters emblazoned in psychedelic purple and hot pink. I sat in my favorite big red leather reading chair while all the kids laughed at me and I was undaunted. I believed! That didn't stop me from being a hell raiser, but the concept was planted. Later, in college, I was a leader of a Circle K group, a student service group, and went to a conference on leadership. All the leaders were asked to step out of the room and come up with their concept for leadership summed up in one word. You guessed it, I picked LOVE. Each one of us had to re-enter the room and the audience reacted to our proposal in a predetermined way, unbeknownst to us. The audience was told to react in a certain way, no matter what the word, to show (I guess) how audience participation affects a situation or something...mine booed and hissed, oh and threw paper balls. Nonetheless, and again undaunted, I plowed on with my speech and in the end they were forced to admit their ploy.

So anyway, back to the resolution. The idea anyway, is that I will act more loving...to family, friend (furry and otherwise) and also to myself. This doesn't mean I'm going to get up every morning, make breakfast and eggs and wear a pinafore. I'm not talking Stepford Wives. Just, instead of waking up and complaining how I feel, I'll look for something more positive. I'll try and make the morning stress free so my husband can get off to work without my list of worries on his mind. I'll try and keep up with old friends and pay attention to how I react to new ones, friends and strangers. I'll not beat myself up for putting on a half kilo or not becoming Rembrandt overnight. I'll take time for what matters and try not to sweat the small stuff or invent big stuff.

It won't be easy. I'll need a reminder of some sort regularly. I read somewhere that some have a bell rung every so often to remind them to be mindful. Hmmm...maybe a talisman of some sort...I'll think on that. Anyway, that's the gist. Love is all ya' need.

Cheers! 2008

2007-12-31T11:00:00.001-08:00

Well, it’s New Year’s Eve here and WWIII...at least that’s what it sounds like, or will soon outside. There’s a time honored tradition in The Netherlands to light many many huge, and I mean HUGE firecrackers on your home soil. Stuff that in America would be way, way illegal. It is SPECTACULAR, OVER THE TOP lights, color and screech, bang, pop and sizzle. Kids start with the small stuff during the day and it mounts to the crescendo at midnight till probably around one or so, trickling pops and bangs throughout the night and into the next day.

Leon, my English Springer, brave soul that he is in any other situation, is TERRIFIED. Since he heard the first one a couple of days ago (just practice, mind you) he has been waking me up in the middle of the night several times for comfort. Tonight I walked him at the last light while firecrackers were set off at unknown mysterious locations, seemingly under his feet. Must have been, because he was bouncing up and down all around the block. Kisses, pleading and body blocking were also tried to get me to turn around towards home. Our original purpose for walking was forgotten for the one all powerful, getting to safety! We made it home and he is now lying asleep in his bed, safe. How can he sleep, you ask? Well, he had a little chemical help, plus today we went on a nice walk in the park (where no fireworks were being exploded).

Actually, he’s more relaxed than the cat, Mokimo. I think animals become sensitized to these things, because this is the first year, after five of living here, that she decided there must be a Cat-Eating Dragon outside. She’s keeping low to the ground and alert. I have explained to her that no Dragons will get past me so she’s staying nearby.

In spite of it all, at midnight I will go outside to brave the Dragon and bombs to say Happy New Year to my friends and neighbors, then run back inside to my safe furry family and husband, now to be known as the Oyster Opening Champion. As I write he is opening two dozen oysters to the sounds of Willie Bobo in happy contentment. So CHEERS! and here’s to a peaceful, productive and fufilling New Year, one and all!

Home Improvement

2007-12-29T12:47:00.000-08:00

Today was spent choosing flooring for our new apartment, well, just two small rooms of it. What does this have to do with art, you might ask? Well, nothing except that is what I'll be doing the next few weeks, getting things ready for the big move. Next is buying paint and then, painting the walls. Not all of them, thank heavens. Just the orange bedroom and the two small rooms.

Hey, some people like orange. When I was about, um, ten I wanted my room to be painted orange, bright orange. I settled for some sort of plaid with orange in it, and lime green. Cheerful. Somehow though, later in life I got a little too much of orange and now I just can't deal. Maybe it was teaching art and having a room with orange shelving on Halloween when everything becomes orange, or maybe it's that orange is the National color in the Netherlands so I see a bit too much of it. This is a nice orange though, a kind of burnt orange. I could see it with some deep turquoise somehow, but perhaps not in the bedroom. One of the small rooms has giant daisy wallpaper. I could live with that maybe, but the office is going in there, so perhaps too much going on. Lovely for a kids room though, which is what it was.

So, what color does an artist paint her walls? Well...I think I'm going for an off-white, eggshell. Not so exciting, but you have to realize that paintings and other art is going up there, so it mustn't clash. Sigh...there goes all the books I've bought on faux painting and wall textures. Maybe I could do something creative to the water closet. Like you could walk in there and feel you had been transported to a different place...hmmm...I'll have to think about that.

My favorite bathroom was designed by my old roommate, Bill Stufflebeem. He made it kind of South American Catholic kitsch, including rosary. It was off of the kitchen, which was like the interior of a Chinese restaurant. Definitely one of my favorite places to live in. I moved in because, when I went for the interview, the place smelled like patchouli. I kinda have a thing for that smell. Like a moth to a flame. Then I saw the decor and knew it was for me. Not to mention that the garden was a wonderful Eden thanks to Bill's green thumb. The balcony was like being in a green cocoon. On more than one occasion, I awoke to find a new Ikibana arrangement he had made in the nite. And once, on a bad day I came back to my room to find a perfumed arrangement of Magnolia blossoms. Now that is one guy with a sense of beauty. He once told me that when he stayed in hotels he would rearrange the furniture and make a flower arrangement. If they were smart, the hotel people left it.

So, if you hear from me, and you just might, be indulgent as I go through the trials and tribulations of feathering my nest, or rather, building it so that when the feathers fly all will settle in a cozy configuration.

Watch the Bouncing Ball

2007-12-28T00:47:00.000-08:00

Bounce, bounce, bounce...yes, I dropped the ball for a while, but hopefully I can get it back in play. Everything became very intense when I got back to the Netherlands. A huge cold set me back on my painting for three weeks so when that was over I was bent to the grindstone for some time. Just finished it...keep posted for the picture to come. I'm having some trouble with my optimizer on my resizing now. I learned tons! My friend Hakim has asked me if I am satisfied. My answer, "I feel I can do better." Still, I'm not completely dissatisfied with the the results. When I get it up here, I'll give you a list of the things I think I learned and what I might do better next time. I know, it's a bummer waiting...

In the meantime, the New Year is around the corner and so is our big move! Two more weeks...aaagh! Got that painting finished just in time. That's three, now four, times I've typed "time" in this short post. I guess that's on my mind. "Time keeps on slippin'...into the future." So true, even if it is cliche. I'm trying to remember to be "in the moment" or "mindful". When my head stops spinning I can do it. I find that a cat on your stomach helps. Something about that is so "present". Of course that requires reclining and she's warm and comfortable so that is conducive to napping...snorrrrre.

Whoops, so much for the present. I'm off to dreamland. Which is weirder and weirder, if that is possible. I'm one of the lucky few that actually remembers all the details of her dreams, including taste, touch, and smell, yes smell. Lots of flying of late. Hey, it's the quickest mode of transportation in dreams. Guess I'm in a hurry these days. Ok, question, for those of you who dream of flying, what is your modus operandi for take-off? I used to flap my arms, then there was jumping till I got so high I reached the sky (d'ya think that was inspired by Miss Mary Mac?), and now I just seem to glide off. I can do some amazing soaring and daring-do in the air. I used to get a kinda nervous excitement about taking those big swoops from great heights, but I seem just to be enjoying it more now. Of course there are dangers, like nets and interwoven tree branches. Still, overall it's a great way to travel.

Well, back to the "moment". Here I sit in front of the computer while nature is beckoning me outside, so I'm off for my morning walk. I'll post pictures soon, really, really. I have so much to show you! Now, where did that ball bounce to....?

Revelations

2007-10-15T07:38:00.000-07:00

I'm back from America and my grandfather's funeral. This is not my first touch with death by far, though each time it is a journey, at times arduous but in it's own way life-giving, for how much more can one appreciate life than when faced with it's final chapter? We have this vessel, into which we pour all our experiences and then one day the vessel is empty. Where does all that experience and knowledge, wisdom and folly go? The very nature of existence has caused man to invent answers and defend those answers sometimes by the sword.

When I was six years old I lost someone whose presence I never doubted to be in. In that moment I awoke, I began to see and hear and know the miracle that we are alive. To be given the gift of awareness of one's own existence at that age is a revelation.

That we live in this form that breathes, thinks, creates language and so many, many other things, is truly a privilege. Forget how or even why we are here or what happens when we are not, and see this: that we exist, now, in this moment in time. Open your hand in front of your face and look at it, look at the space around it, feel and hear the air come into and go out of your lungs and know that at this moment, right now, you are here. Amazing.

So I choose, at this time of grieving, not to dwell on what has been lost, but what was given, giving what I can in return, and accepting gratefully this gift of life, filling this vessel. My goal is that my glass will be more than half full, it will be brimming over, and in the end when it is spilled, know that I have savored every drop, bitter and sweet.

Life and Death

2007-10-07T08:41:00.000-07:00

My grandfather, the patriarch of our famil, died yesterday. As always with these brushes with death I think, or rethink, what I am doing with my time, my life. This moment. Well, this moment I am writing to you, an invisible audience, in my effort to make sense of it all, life, the Big Picture.

Recently a friend of mine was having to make a major career/life decision. I gave her the best advice I ever got: Ask your self "What if I knew I was going to be run over by a truck tomorrow(ie. die), what would I do today?" Those words, said to me by a mentor years ago when I was also struggling to figure out what to do with my life, are the reason I'm doing art today. So, in light of these present circumstances, do I still feel that way? Yup. More so. I want to put my whole heart into it, I shall, I do.

You might think this a little self-absorbed (as writing a blog is too somewhat) and it is. And it isn't. On the self side, it keeps me sane, brings me a sense of peace, meditation, equilibrium. It can also challenge me and frustrate me, but, call me crazy, I think that's fun. On what I hope to be the more altruistic side, I hope that it makes me a better person to others and also that I am contributing to beauty in the world, though that is of course debatable. My ego isn't so fragile that I can't take a few punches there.

I am indeed thinking how I can give more though. I do feel a need to contribute and believe I can do so through teaching. When, to whom, and how I need to decide. I'm lucky enough to have a venue now, so that main part is at least not a worry. Anyway, in the meantime, I'll be taking a week off to visit family, so it might be a bit before I get back to this blog. Not that I'm the most regular in posting. I think I'll use the time off to explore this teaching idea and a few other goals. We're only here a short time and as long as my truck hasn't passed yet, I'm going to be doing art and sharing what I can from that trip.

Courage

2007-09-29T00:47:00.000-07:00

Ok! I started this entry this morning and, thanks to my usual computer karma, am just now getting back to the keyboard. Yes, I am one of THOSE, technologically challenged. As soon as I get near a computer, poltergeists from far and wide rush to the aid of our normal house poltergeist (the one who misplaces important papers) and cause havoc never before seen on our system. Luckily, I have a patient husband who is not challenged and can unravel the damage done. And it's not just our computer. I once went to buy train tickets and ALL the computers in the ticket office SHUT DOWN. Watches also tend to stop working when worn by my sensitive electrode-producing skin. I once worked as a cashier also on a computer-operated cash register. When first learning the workings of the machine, it broke down. This is apparently normal with newbie cashiers. What was not normal was that it took ALL the managers to fix it, each one commenting that they had NEVER seen such a problem before. Coincidence? I think not. Nonetheless, I brave the odds and continue to post here and elsewhere. I should really be wearing a juju.

Now, where was I? Oh yes, I wanted to touch on the subject of courage. Normally, one might think of that word for feats of strength, endurance, emotional and physical. What I'm looking for is the courage it takes to face EVERY DAY. Ok, that's easy, you say, first get out of bed... Yeah, yeah, when you have a "real" job to go to. (Not that I'm sayin' that's easy either, but you kinda hafta go or lose your job and get a new one.)

I'm talkin' 'bout the entrepreneur, farmer, painter, the one who is her/his own boss. Even when you're a farmer you have someone depending on you to show up, plants or animals. But what if all you have is a canvas, empty or begun, to face? I'm tellin' ya, it's like looking into your face for hours and examining who you are in minute detail. There's all those voices in the background, the ones that say it's not good enough, that you're wasting your time, that you should go out and get that coveted "real" job. (Why not? In America, when I told people I was an artist, the response was always, "and what do you do for a living?") Granted, I am one of the lucky ones. I don't have to live, for the moment, off of what I create. But I do have that as a goal, albeit secondary to making really, really beautiful art. (Those that do have to make money have that extra pressure of making it saleable. )

That's where art is like religion. You just have to BELIEVE. Believe it is worth it to make more beauty or make something that reaches out to others and makes them think and/or feel and believe that you, yes you, are the one that can do it. Some days, it ain't so easy folks. Days when it is grey and rainy (pretty frequent here in the Lower Countries) or you're just a little tired, or your feet hurt from standing on cement all day (the floor in my studio). Some days you just have to go. The pay off is that once I'm there, all that stuff becomes a blur as I paint or draw, create. So, I guess what I'm sayin' is yeah, I'm lucky to be an artist, lucky that I can do that all day, but it takes COURAGE. Worth it though, definitely worth it.

New Developments

2007-09-21T09:21:00.000-07:00

Well hello there! Busy, busy busy! Amongst all the sorting of clothing and old habits, I have managed to get some painting done, in spite of the rain! Not that I'm doing this out of doors, but a grey day means grey colors and so...I've been working on other projects in the studio. Wednesday, a friend came to model and I tried out acrylics for the first time. Surprise, surprise, surprise (imagine Gomer Pile accent), I liked it! Way different from oils in many ways, but I think I could get the hang of it. Still, nothing beats the queen of all mediums so I was back at the oils today. I'll show you later what I did in acrylics.

What you see below this text is a painting I did last winter with help from my friend, Hakim. I am indebted to him for showing me the method of applying a grisaille or dead layer and how to get everything into focus, plus a million other tips. It is one of a series I am doing on food, though this one is not for sale. I'm keeping it as a reminder of all those tips I got. The reason I'm showing it to you is so you can see what I am aiming for in my current painting of the chili. So, without further ado: Une hirondelle ne fait pas le printemps (One swallow does not make spring)

Now that you get the idea, here's what I did in September and a bit before our August vacation on my sweet chili. The first one is my first addition of color to the dead layer - red!

This second one is what I did today and this week. I worked up the background, the table, the matches, oh, little of everything. Today was the background and I think I'm happy so far. It may have some adjustments, but not necessarily. I'm going to do lots more work on the pot and fiddle with the towel, but not too much. Well, you'll see. Changing the background helps tons to see the pot. I played with several ideas, one of which was just leaving it and adjusting the pot, or adding some green in to bring out the red. In the end, I did what I saw, which was the white wall behind and that was exactly what I needed. As it is a Winter meal, I think all the white is appropriate. More to come!

Enjoy, Kim

Dressed for Success

2007-09-09T23:50:00.000-07:00

This weekend I began the big chore of getting rid of things before the move. Starting with my closet. Most people who see me today would think I only own a few jeans and paint spattered sweatshirt, t-shirts and a few dress clothes. Wrong. In college I began an addiction to buying clothes second hand. Lots of these clothes have come with me and also ones that I have been given. Mostly, in the last, I don't know, twenty years I haven't spent much on clothes.

So where do they all come from? Well, Mom was a great seamstress and decided to make me a bunch of skirts before I went off to college. I still have those, plus a skirt she made me when I was sixteen. I'm pleased to say I still fit in all of them, but would I wear them? Well, first the skirt from sixteen is going. I will never wear orange paisley, let's face it. Then there's a print skirt I took from Mom's closet when she died. Most of her clothing wasn't salvageable because she was a major smoker, but this was. Thought I would wear it. That was, what, five years, six ago? Haven't worn it, it's going. Then there's a myriad of clothes I got second hand with a kind of wistful nostalgia for the faded, which has now also faded. Then there's the belts Ron gave me before he died, which I said I would wear. Didn't, out they go. And the list grows.

I still need to be tougher with myself. I read that it's a good idea to cluster groups of clothes that go together. That's the next step. I'll put together a few outfits that I think I really will wear. What is truly at issue here is a question of identity. Just who do I think I am? Well, most of the time I'm a painter so most of these clothes are just silly. Still, when shopping or going out with "normal" people, a few less paint streaks might come in handy. I mention the shopping because I went to get some hair accessories from Claire's boutique one day. There were two prices on the package, one more than the other because it was a transfer from pounds. Anyway, the cashier pointed out to me the higher price was the right one and then waited...as if I couldn't afford it and I would put it back. Fooled her though, I bought them. Afterwards, I saw myself in a mirror and realized I was dressed for the studio. Not that I care about how much money people think I have. I actually found that fun.

Then there's the fifties-style dresses that I got second hand, or handed down. Those are the tough ones. I love that fitted bodice and bigger skirt. Still, I haven't worn one of those since living in DC! Basically, I'm looking for comfortable but not too sloppy in neutrals though sometimes with a little flash of color. That kind of knocks out many of the skirts mom made me. They're more for business. Maybe one or two of the best would be enough to "suit" me.

Finally, once I get it all pared down, there will be nothing else left to do but...go shopping! (This, folks, is very tongue in cheek as I haven't been much in the last years, as I mentioned, and basically go into cardiac arrest when I see the prices, promise myself to become a better seamstress, and run home.) But, for now, I'm off to the studio, so...on go the paint-stained jeans, holey t-shirt, and frayed sweater...aaah, now that's who I really am. Fashion mogul I'm not, but ready to do art, yes!

End of the Dead

2007-09-04T06:51:00.000-07:00

I'm exhausted today. Too much to do, too little time. Rather than whine, I'll just post my latest of chili and leave it at that. This is, I think, the last stage of the dead layer. I'll begin color tomorrow if all bodes well.

Peace, Kim

Distractions

2007-09-01T10:22:00.000-07:00

This summer has had a lot going on so I'm hoping Fall will give me the time to reflect and get back to what is primary to my existence, which is making good art. I forget that sometimes, life throws me these curve balls and I follow their direction till, before you know it, I'm way out in left field. June and July were full of personal issues and then in August we went on vacation. I got that painting done which you see posted, but little else art wise. Well, that's not true really...I thought, read, and took photos for painting reference. But not real production. That brings up the question of whether constant production is the only way to improve. Many serious artists say yes. I think so too, though time is needed to feed the creativity machine. Not too much though.

Now it's September and we're in the process of obtaining a new place to live, though in the same city. Whew! This, one week after getting back to the Lower Countries. My head is spinning! Kinda like channel surfing but not having the remote all the time. Time to get back to the center. The place where I can see clearly. Lately I've had this feeling of awareness of being yet one small dot in the whole universe, not a feeling of insignificance, but one of being part of a greater whole. This really helps to put things in perspective. All those little worries and distractions seem so much less significant. I'm going to share here a sort of poem I have kept for many years on my bulletin board. I found it while going through some papers though I'm not sure where it came from. It helps me when I lose track of what is really important.

Eskimo Song

And I think over again
My small adventures
When with the shore wind
I drifted out in my kayak
And I thought I was in danger
My fears
Those small ones
That I thought so big,
For all the vital thinks
I had to get and reach.

And yet, there is only
One great thing,
The only thing:
To live to see in huts and on journeys
The great day that dawns
And the light that fills the world.

There, I feel better already. Don't you? Ciao, Kim

It's All In The Details

2007-08-31T09:00:00.000-07:00

Here's some details from my previously posted painting, "Secret Garden":

Spent the day working again on my chili painting. Almost to the stage of adding color. Just a few more touches on the dead layer. Then I'll be finished and I think I'll take a short break by painting some small studies for my upcoming Open Studio day. It's the end of October so that gives me a good deadline to get the chili done. This is all theory though and of course the painting will tell me when it's really done. Already thinking of my next in this series of food/recipe paintings. Not telling yet, but I think it'll be a Fall theme. Missing painting outside in the sun already. As predicted, the rain has come so that has put a damper, so to speak, on plein air for the moment. I did pick up some nice acorns and acorn shells on a walk through the park with Leon though. Plenty of flowers still out but Fall is in the air. My favorite season, not to hot, not to cold, just right. Goldilocks ain't got 'nothin on me.

Secret Garden

2007-08-29T22:38:00.000-07:00

Good Morning all. I'm back from a five week vacation and up with the birds again. Sky is blue with some clouds, no rain...yet, but then, I'm in Holland so that is soon to come. A stark contrast to the sun that drove us to afternoon siestas in Provence. The drive in the van was a huge success. I got all my art supplies in and guess what, used about one third of them. But I had it all with me, just in case. What I took: stretched canvas, drawing paper, watercolor paper, pencils, a few conte crayons, erasers, my new French easel, paints, rags, small watercolor kit, brushes, Liquin and a small bottle of turps, plus a couple of small extra jars and my two old camera bags for carrying stuff, digital camera and even some acrylic paints to try out. What I used: One pencil, eraser, sketch book, digital camera, one canvas, oil paints, brushes, rags, jars, camera bag and easel. Oh, and I forgot my stool and sun hat. That probably isn't even one third. Next time I go lighter, but you have to understand...I had a van! I could have four times all that stuff. But it's a drag loading and unloading, so I won't. Next time.

Once in Provence, Apt to be specific, I wandered around for a few days looking for spots. I stuck near the house at first, but soon strayed. The farthest I walked was over a hill/mountain, about an hour. I discovered a nice garden with a very friendly dog. We got to be pals as I sketched some ideas out. He almost followed me back home so I was obliged to discourage him. Definitely a message from Leon as this dog had the same character. Leon once followed a hiker to the top of Le Revard to get rewarded by chocolate (big no-no for doggies). But I digress...

Finally I decided to drive out and up to Caseneuve to check things out. This is a quiet village with a castle as its central point. Wandered around there a bit and was just ready to give up and try another spot when I found this charming garden in a sort of alleyway. Then I remembered, yes, that is what I like about these villages, the small personal gardens people make for themselves in little niches. Their little corner of the world. This little corner became my corner for two weeks. Actually, my first intention on vacation was to do small quick studies, but we all know about intentions. I found a great spot for my easel, protected from too much sun and wind in a corner of two walls. I could also get up on a step an look down at it from a distance. What I didn't forsee was direct sun on the canvas and the shadow of the phone pole, both of which got me into a sort of dance as time went on trying to evade them to see my canvas and paints.

I wonder, is there any such thing as the perfect spot? Probably not. What made this spot even more perfect were the nice neighbors. They stopped regularly by to see what I was up to. And it wasn't on the main tourist roads so, though I got a few tourists wandering through, traffic wasn't too heavy. Nicest of all were the neighbors who were right next to me. From the beginning they were very encouraging, even putting off their trimming of the hedge so I could work in peace. One cold morning, yes it got cold a couple of days, with the Mistral, they lent me clothing to keep warm as I was painting. I guess the sight of a shivering painter was too pitiful. Later, we had tea and they even let me take pictures of their kitchen, with all it's French country charm. (I'm taking a series of photos for study of various kitchens.) In the end they bought the painting! Who could ask for more?

Smile

2007-07-19T07:03:00.001-07:00

Here's a drawing/study that I did of Leon, my best friend, a few months ago. It's not EXACTLY what I want, but a good reference. I think I'll probably do it again. He's a happy dog today because he got a shower and a bone. For those of you who don't know Leon's story, and want to, here's the gist:

Leon showed up during our first year living in France. He was abandoned or lost and almost a year old. He smelled too nice to have been gone for long in the wild. For about five seconds he hesitated to come see me, but when he saw I had steak on the way back from the grocery store, he didn't wait long. Leon has had abandonment problems ever since, severe separation anxiety. It didn't help we were going back and forth to the States every three months and leaving him with someone. But he wasn't unhappy, he got walks and had a fine life in the countryside.

Four years ago we came to Holland and that was a major change! No more country. The lake turned into a big sea where you couldn't see the other side and there were dogs everywhere! Along with Leon's S.A. he was also an alpha male and very dominant. We spent the first two years here together working on his behavior (and by we, I mean Me and Leon). It was tough going but with irresistible treats, time, repetition, and patience on both sides we managed to change an aggressive dog into a friendly dog, not to mention better behaved (more or less).

There's still the S.A. A bit better now, I can leave him to go see the neighbor for about 45 minutes, though sometimes not. He's only barking now, not howling as if he lost his best friend (which according to him he does every time) and no more tearing things apart and complete panic. Not bad for a thirteen year old. He goes every day with me to the studio and is disappointed if we don't go. He's there to make sure I don't take myself too seriously and to remind me that I am loved. Someone told me that an animal in the studio is a bad thing for painting karma, but I find it just the opposite. His constant presence is a gift to me. Ok, sometimes I'd like my freedom, but I've come to rely on his companionship almost as much as he relies on mine. This sketch is the beginning of what I hope to be a series of drawings and/or paintings of my buddy. More to come!

Inspiration: Sha Sha Higby

2007-07-17T13:01:00.001-07:00

A good friend of mine has asked me who inspired me, so I thought it would be fun to explore this, being that I have a wide range of interests that make my imagination spark. I do wish I knew how to put their images here, but for lack of that, I will put links to their sites/work.

Just off the top of my head comes Sha Sha Higby. http://www.shashahigby.com/
She makes the most amazing life size and larger sculptures/puppets which she uses in performance art and dance. Her pieces are multi-media and nearly impossible to describe, using paper and gold leaf with ceramic masks. Definitely worth a look. Check out her Movies section to get a glimpse of what she does. I was fortunate enough to see her work, though not her performance in Washington D.C. several years back. If I could be reborn as another artist, it would be her. The child in me who has always loved marionettes is absolutely awed into silence and wonder at the sight of her work. It is magical. Her masks are split in the middle revealing more inside and within the "being" she creates are other entities. It all seems so fragile, like gossamer wings of a strange undiscovered insect life morphed with human, like "The Fly" but much more beautiful. There's almost too much information there, but instead of being overwhelming, it makes you want to look closer and see what makes it tick. That these sculptures can be worn and move is even more amazing and she brings them to life in an eerie, surreal dance of sorts, combined with music of the same tone that makes you feel that you are witnessing a chrysalis. To experience an actual performance must be something beyond supernatural. That's just one of the many artist to whom I am thankful for the inspiration.

Grisaille update

2007-07-12T08:47:00.000-07:00

Here's what I did last week on my dear "Chili", reverse order. I'm still getting used to putting up images, so you have my latest work first down to the last picture which is where I was a few weeks ago.

Artspeak

2007-07-08T21:23:00.001-07:00

Art is a language. From now on when I tell people what language I speak, I will respond "Artspeak". Thinking about Gombrich's point about how each of us has images that words conjure up. I can say chair and you might see a different chair from me. When I teach and when I paint, I attempt to turn off that part of the brain that names. It gets in the way. If I say chair, I am no longer looking at the chair in front of me, but "chairness" as I know it. But if I forget the word, or rather put it aside, I can see the object in front of me, the shapes, the lines, for what it is. The Egyptians wrote in images and that is what art is, a return to our ancestry. Not necessarily Egyptian, mind you, but something much more primitive.

Words are wonderful and beautiful in what they can express, but they are limited. Limited in a way that my paint colors are limited to describe the colors and values in the visual world. If I show you something though, then I am showing you show much more than what one word can describe. I'm showing you the world as I see it, as I want you to see it, and you see it as you interpret the world around you according to who you are, the schema inside your head and the emotions you attach to the objects you see. So much more information is implied there. When I create a painting I think about, not just the objects, but what I am saying with the objects, what is my story. In fact, I see myself not as a painter, but as a visual storyteller. The story is mine, but it is also yours.

Coming from America, my current painting, that I'm referring to "Chilli" for the moment, has different connotations than perhaps in another country, Mexico for example, though that is perhaps not so different given our rich mix of Mexican community. I grew up with Mexicans in California so I don't start thinking right away of Texas chili, so there is the local interpretation also. Point is, there are multiple layers in what I'm saying, it's not just about the chili, the food, but what it means to you, what it reminds you of, the smells and emotions you connect with it. That's one of the reasons I'm doing this series on food/cooking. First, because it has a connection in my life, I love to cook.

Food is a big part of my life, not less so for having married a Frenchman. Living in France made me realize even more the connections we make with food, and with one another through food. It is yet another creative process and in a way I'm attempting to marry the two, painting and cooking. In fact, I've become a better cook since I became a painter. Something about the process of intuition and putting things together. Before, I was completely ruled by my recipe books. Little by little, I changed recipes and now I just look at stuff, and think about how it will taste together and the colors mix.

Cooking with a Moroccan friend, I learned a different way of combining tastes and that influences my food. Now cinnamon, nutmeg, and curry play together in my chicken dishes, as well as others. Her language has become mixed up in my language of food. Maybe that's where we've gone wrong, in trying to understand each other, different cultures, different beliefs, we've all defined it into words that, instead of being diplomatic, become weapons. Perhaps we've identified the wrong tools of mass destruction. But then, tools are weapons only depending on the wielder of them. I can use a hammer to hit a nail or I can use it to destroy an object. Images are the same. Will we ever understand one another? I suppose nothing is simple for us humans. In the meantime I go on speaking a language that I am also learning, hoping that I am telling you something, a secret, a feeling, a taste, a place. Let's meet on the canvas in the world without words.

First Light

2007-07-06T19:58:00.000-07:00

Here I am, bright and early! It's 5 am, first light is bringing out the grey outlines of red brick buildings, making them a grey-blue brown. This is a special moment for me always, when nature begins to waken while many are still toasty in their beds. Gives me a feeling of new beginnings, peace, hope and a sense of wonder.

Early morning memory: I'm six. Picture wide-eyed golden blond-turning brown and sun-kissed. Ok, my eyes aren't so wide at this moment because it's early... and I'm wearing a heavy cotton night gown. Probably one of the red, green, and white ones that we got every Christmas, only it's Spring. I'm in this magical farm house that has a stairway to nowhere if you open the closet door. Looking out the window, everything is covered in dew, the grass is a grey-green, the barn in front that same grey-blue brown, only a bit more reddish, I think. There is the goat house on my left, light-grey in this light because it's white. Definitely I'm not quite awake, and a bit afraid because I've woken up in a strange place after being in my own bed the nite before. My stomach does a few flip flops. I must hurry because the day has begun for my uncle who has begun his chores, which we will accompany him in today. But just for a few seconds, I have this moment, while my sister is not quite awake in bed, looking out the window at a new beginning, the unknown, and the experience is thrilling in calm way, like a slow gathering hummmm....

This is the moment I like to begin painting in. I wake early in the morning and rush to the studio, just to keep this feeling. The world is a bit more awake by the time I get there, but not yet in its full speed. I think of moms packing lunches in brown bags and kids sleepily forcing their limbs to dress, brush teeth and grab school bags. Actually, this is just background music. Things are still fairly quiet and I don't yet have to plug in my music box. I can spend a few moments contemplating the previous days work, seeing what needs improving, what needs developing, feeling my space take me in, recognize me and envelope my spirit. It's been waiting and it enlarges me. The first stroke, no, the idea of the first stroke, is intimidating. Once there though, time is erased and there is only seeing and unfolding what I see on the canvas. This is why I come to the studio. This is why I get up early. This is why I breathe, breathe in this moment, as morning light spills out touching everything, bringing color, definition, life, a resurrection of all that was lost in slumber in the night. Begin.

Morning Song

2007-07-03T21:33:00.000-07:00

It's been raining non-stop here. Summer storms mixed with constant rain, and just a peek of sun at times. Nonetheless, at 4 am, with the first light you hear the blackbird joyfully singing away. No complaining about spending the night out in the cold and wet, but a "here comes the new day" cheerfulness. One could learn a lot from the blackbird.

Here's what I wonder, why don't they pick more cheerful art in hospitals? Maybe it's the lighting, I'm sure that has something to do with it, and the overall decor. Ok, I know, it's a Hospital, but, couldn't there be some sort of community group who pushes for funds to make it a happy place to be? But then, you'd have to define happy and please everyone's tastes... I guess it's too hard. There is artwork in the local hospital here, most of blending in with the walls. While you wait, you have magazines to flip through or you can stare at the walls. Suddenly you notice, hey there's something on the walls. Oh yeah, art. And it would be nice to have a sort of explanation. Who's art, maybe educate people as to the kind of art. Or are people just mostly took sick or wrapped up in themselves to enjoy it? Well, maybe I'll see what the exhibit schedule is there and see if I can arrange something sometime. I know that in DC there's a great program with art at the Children's Hospital. My dear friend, Ron Paul, was working there when he passed on. Of course, there's the monetary angle, who's going to administer such a thing, etc. Deserves looking into.

That's the thing, trying to combine all my ideas and get my work done too. I'd like somehow to marry this idea of community and art with my own personal painting goals. Might not be this year though, as I've still much to learn and produce! In the meantime, I'm rolling this thought around in my brain, art as healing, art as a medium for health in society.

Here's a a really great site I just found that has some of the same thoughts:
http://www.artashealing.org/

and here's another one I keep having the intention to do something with:
http://www.art4development.net/

and, while I'm at it, I don't want to forget someone who is outstanding in her efforts of combining art and community:
http://www.virginiaspiegel.com/NewFiles/ACSFundraiser.html

So it's out there, opportunity to get involved, heal, help with art! It does take time and it does take effort. I'm the first to say I'm guilty of not taking either one. But it's on my back burner and I hope I can get it to the front soon! It's all in tune with a philosophy of community and helping each other and we all have something to give. Even if it's just a simple song at first light.

Free Admission

2007-07-02T22:47:00.000-07:00

Good morning! So nice to have this way to wake up. Not a coffee drinker, or tea for that matter, so a little grapefruit juice and I begin to verbalize, slowly... Yet another rainy day here in the Lower Countries, but it's ok for grisaille. Actually, that's one of the reasons I'm working this way. You only really need good sunlight when you add the color! Of course it is good to have light to check out the values.

It has occurred to me to explain to you all a bit of what I'm doing. About a year and a half ago I began learning painting with a friend. If you read the archives here you can see a bit of history there. I'd done a bit of oil painting in college with a good teacher, but didn't pursue it as I got into textiles. I did enjoy it but I think the truth is that I didn't want to work that hard! I was putting myself through school with a full time job and just barely making it. No regrets though, because the textiles took me on a wonderful journey and in the end I was working hard because I loved it anyway.

When I got here to the Netherlands, I started drawing more and more. Mostly it was to improve my textiles but it took on a life of its own. But there came a certain point where I knew I needed help and had to set aside ego and go get it. I've been a self-educator for a long time and still believe strongly in that and continue to read like mad to learn, but sometimes it is just better to see what someone else can show you and cut a few roads to the main one you want to go down.

Long story, but I decided oil painting was a good idea. Part of it was also because I could see that it was more marketable than textiles. But that is something I've let go of now. Money should never be mixed with the idea making good art. If you have to live on it, ok, that's another kettle of fish and you should think of the best way to do it well and be prosperous, but if you can, don't think about the money while you're making it. Think about beauty, think about fun, think about making art, but think about the money and marketing after. Well, it's my mantra, it doesn't have to be yours.

Back to the story. So I began learning the basics all over again. I've been teaching art for a while so I figured I had that down, but no. Realist painting really won't forgive anything halfway. Sure I knew one point and two point perspective on an elementary level, but that wasn't, isn't, enough. I'm still wrapping my head around that. And value and hue and chroma...all of it. It's quite a challenge. The biggest difficulty for me though was to let go of this tendency to get involved in detail. My friend calls it "looking only partly". I get so fascinated by the small intricacies of each object that I forget to look at the whole picture. This, I think, is finally starting to sink in. It took so long because, well, I'm stubborn. I have my ways and, I suppose because I'm older, am a bit stuck in them. Not that I wasn't always so. It's ironic because I see myself as very open, and yet when it comes to changing habits, it is a struggle.

The best part of learning painting is how it has helped me to view life. One, not looking partly. Looking at the whole picture. I know of a few, more than a few, politicians who could benefit from learning this one rule. Also, that you just can't force life. Creativity, life, has it's own speed, it's own path, and jumping ahead only means you have to eventually backtrack or lose your way. (Though sometimes losing your way is one way to find it.) Best of all about painting is that I'm always learning and know I will keep on learning with this medium for the rest of my life. What a wonderful challenge, exercise, meditation. Painting is a key and I'm using it to unlock all the doors and secret chambers that lie hidden in my mind and in my world. I'm planning on leaving them unlocked, so feel free to drop in for a visit. Admission is free.

Nature Takes Its Course

2007-07-02T00:43:00.000-07:00

Well, here is blogdom staring me in the face...here I come. Actually, today I think I'll just post some pictures to catch up on my present work. I've been home sick for a few days so no further progress, but I hope to get back to it very, very soon. I can hear it calling me from the studio..."Kiiimmmm, where are you? Why haven't you finished me? I'm only in my dead layer and I need some color in my life! " Well, don't worry, Chilli my dear, I think of you every day and the way I will fill you out and bring you to life. If I can just get out of this darn bed! In the meantime, I'm reading "Alla Prima" by Richard Schimd. The closest thing to a bible for me. Gombrich's "Art and Illusion" is also keeping me company for intellectual stimulation, with a little dash of "The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying" by Sogyal Rinpoche to remind me to keep calm and let nature take its course.

Chilli

This is the charcoal drawing of my dear Chilli after much pondering as to the arrangement for the compositon. As you will see, this was still not quite right...

This is what I did next, the beginning of the umber layer, using Raw Umber. As you can see I added that tobasco in there, but the spoon was bugging me as well as that upper right hand corner...

So...I took out the spoon, it was blocking the rest of the painting and it didn't feel like you could pick it up since it was facing the wrong way. Still have the corner and Tabasco though...

And here you go, hey, where did that Tabasco go?, and where did those matches come from?, and aren't there more beans and chillies? And, hey, someone has been messing with the towel! So this is the final composition and the very beginnings of the dead layer, adding Zinc White and Yellow Ochre. I've done lots more, but the pics are still in the camera...that's right, at the studio, so you'll have to wait to see more.

Reshuffle

2007-07-01T01:23:00.001-07:00

I apologize, first, to anyone, or the few who have hoped for more from this blog. I have not posted in a year. Things got shuffled around and this is one of the the things that got lost in the shuffle. The good news, I have mastered putting photos on the web so I will now be doing that to keep you updated on my work, doings, etc. The main thing is that I have been spending the last year and a half learning to paint in oils in the Realist style. This has led me to finally getting a new and permanent studio. Painting has become a passion for me and it has been a big transition away from my usual work in textiles. I'm just now thinking back about the textiles again, but still totally immersed in the painting. I had thought I would just pass up the textiles altogther, but it seems to be an itch I can never feel satisfied in scratching. Actually, lets not say textiles, but multimedia, which is where my mind is wandering these days. I've decided to keep the painting as my main focus right now, but also I want to take a day off to play and that might mean, well, just about anything! And size doesn't matter, because I've taken the plunge and invested in a van! Whoohoo! Its first trip will be to the South of France where I hope to do some landscape painting. I'm also thinking it'll be a great way to take my doggie Leon on painting excursions. It means I'll have to park near where I'm painting, but I can put a bed in it for him and I think he'll easily adjust to the idea of his home away from home. Especially if a preliminary walk is part of the deal. Unfortunately, he'll be doing this after France. Sorry, buddy. Well, we'll see where this goes, blog, van, multimedia et. al. In the meantime, I'm going to see about posting pictures on this blog.

Ok, this works! Yipee! Here's two pictures of my studio, BEFORE I moved in all my stash. I'll update it soon as well as post photos of my current painting progess. For now, I'm just happy to have gotten back on this writing path again! Hope to see you on the trek!

Defining Art

2006-03-30T03:45:00.000-08:00

What is art? Who would think such a small sentence was so loaded? Gombrich’s “Story of Art” talks about how the idea of “art” didn’t come around till after the Egyptian paintings. I always thought that was art, but he made me see how it is beautiful but it is also a part of a very intricate ritual with very rigid rules. It seems in the “serious” art world painting is art. At least that is what it would seem when you see what the art history books emphasize and what everyone assumes when I tell them I’m an artist. I always hear, “Oh, what do you paint?” (I do paint too, but that’s not the point.) And if you look at sales, though other art is selling, nothing sells like a painting because the general public has been told that is art. Photography was not seen as art at first either and now it is accepted by mostly everyone as art. Digital photography and manipulation seems to be the new art. This is a very exciting medium that can go in so many directions.

But this is all historical. What this question really means is, “What is art to you?” Of course, there are a lot of galleries and museums out there that are making up their own rules. You have to make up yours. I recently examined this question for myself and found I had two views (maybe there’s more in there, but I’m not going to get into multiple personality traits).

One view is from my perspective as an art teacher. That is that whatever each individual creates is art and we should all explore that side of our personalities. My neighbor who is taking pictures of her garden and blowing it up as a digital canvas is doing art. She is expressing herself in a creative way. I think this is a necessary part of the human psyche that needs so to be explored and cultivated.

My second view is as an artist. Basically, it comes down to one thing. Does it move me? Now, I can break it all down and say why one piece works and one doesn’t according to design and composition rules. I can find the logic and an understanding in any piece of art. But that doesn’t tell you what I’m really thinking. What is important to me is that it makes me feel or think, that it either answers an unsaid question or creates new ones for me to ponder. Craft, art, computerized or hand made are not the ultimate issues for me. I recently said I wanted to see the artist’s hand involved, but now I see these are the wrong words. I want to see their heart and soul. And I want that to somehow touch me, come from their realm into mine.

Can I do this with my own art? Well, I’m trying and will keep trying because I am an artist, a creator, and somehow want to give something to others of what my vision is. I want to touch someone, and I am going to give my whole heart to do it.

And that, folks, is what I think art, at least the man-made kind, is. Now, give me a misty morning with the light coming through the trees kissing the newly fallen leaves of autumn and my breath will stop. That is art too, but the artist’s hand is left to each of us for interpretation.

Work in Progress

2006-03-21T14:01:00.000-08:00

I have been pondering a lot about this new permission I have given myself to make mistakes. Realizing that up till now I have truly been assuming tht whatever art I do it has to be perfect. When it is not, my back gets all tight and I am frustrated. It is way time to let this go. I realized this even more when I began taking this painting class and for the first time in my life I was afraid, intimidated, to put anything on the canvas! Now how was I expecting myself to paint perfectly when I was only beginning? Silly me. I think it has also something to do with my expectations of other peoples expectations. I have to remember, as Art and Fear so well pointed out, that I am not doing this to please the masses. I may please some people and that is wonderful. In fact I want to do this, but I also want to express myself freely without worrying what impression it makes. Even on myself. I tell my students all the time to leave the inner critic behind when they come into my classroom and yet I've been carrying her on my shoulders all this time. No wonder I have back problems!

So, in line with all this and my personal promise to draw everyday, I drew my breakfast, as Danny Gregory reccommends. It was awful and I wasn't awake. But, I did it and I'm going to continue every day to do the same, not breakfast that is, but drawing. I think this is a true necessity for all artists. Hopefully, it won't be so awful in the future and I will feel more confidence in putting down what I want quickly, without fiddling over the details. I love those details, but there is something to be said for confident, immediate response. Details can come after.

Otherwise, I got back to my batik yesterday and today, yipee! I was missing the texture as compared to the flatness of painting on canvas. I also realized that it is really a good idea to plan for entering competitions/shows. Gives me a solid reason to finish by a certain date other than thinking I would like to show the pieces I make someday...

Oil painting tomorrow and we will be exploring color! This time I am jumping in without checking the water temperature. It might be a bit cold at first, but I'll get used to it. Just have to swim, even if sometimes it is a dogpaddle and not the butterfly.

Later and later

2006-03-19T14:35:00.000-08:00

It's late and I should be going to bed, but I'm feeling so guilty about not writing in here for almost a month!! I did take some pictures, so now I have to figure out the download. Again, actually because my husband showed me and I took notes and then the notes disappeared! I might just try this on my own...

Let's see...where to start? Where did I leave off? Painting class. It is fantastic and I am on a huge learning curve. With my teacher and a little help from WetCanvas!, I have been sopping up information. I learned that you can make a linseed turpentine mix to cut down on the turpentine. I learned to scrub in the paint and not use so much turpentine. I was really overdoing it. I learned how to make a grisaille after doing it once in class and twice at home. I was on a bit of a slower learning curve with catching on about tone/value. I know about it and can teach it but doing it myself, another kettle of fish. How strange. First, I needed to accept that I couldn't get all the values of nature in, and second (and this is ongoing and big) I need to not get caught up in the details. I'm working very hard on painting and drawing quickly now to avoid this tendancy. I love detail! Problem is I get so involved in it I am not seeing the whole, the gestalt of the actual tableau. Retraining myself though, with a few pushes and shoves from my teacher. :0)

Drawing everyday now thanks to my teacher again and a little help from Danny Gregory. I just got his book "The Creative License". While I don't really need it for the beginning drawing it is a good book for beginning journaling which is something I've been meaning to do for some time. I think he has some good things to say about it. Plus his drawings are fun. This weekend I went back to the International Art Club for sharing a model. I drew in my studio on Friday and Saturday at the IAC. At the end of Saturday, I felt I was beginning to get something, starting to let go. It's funny how it is so hard to give myself permission to draw for the sake of the exercise and not having to come up with a finished drawing. I need to do this in my painting too. I forgot how to learn and the only way you can do that is by making mistakes. If you are afraid of mistakes, you will never learn. I hearby give myself permission to make mistakes and learn!

Ok, I'm going to go get my beauty sleep, not for my own beauty, but to create beauty tomorrow and every day!

Mini, Maxi

2006-02-22T21:17:00.000-08:00

Time is slipping away quicker than I can grasp with this blog, but I will persevere to give you my thoughts and actions at times. I've been working at my painting class. I was quite pleased yesterday when Hakim told me that my drawing in charcoal this week was good. I really feel like I'm getting an understanding of placement and volume like never before. This is going to help my work globally.

We began grisaille yesterday and that is another kettle of fish. I was surprised to find I was actually intimidated by the paint and canvas for the first time in a long time. Then I began painting and loved it more an more.

What I don't like are the solvents that you have to use with oils. I'll have to learn to keep that down to a minimum. I want to do this right from the beginnning so I don't get sick like so many other artists I've read about. Some of the warning you read on these things are very scary! This is the reason I stayed away from oils all these years ("ah, yes, now I remember"). Sigh...and yet it draws me back.

There is nothing like the way you can manipulate oils and the depth of field you can create. Why are the best processes the most toxic? I stayed away from batik because of the wax (also for the removal part, truth be known) and I am drawn to that too again this year. Well, I think the key here is to minimize the risk and maximize the beauty.

Pricing an Procrastination

2006-02-19T14:43:00.000-08:00

Just a quickie today, though I should be getting to this more often. Is there a word for blog guilt? Anyway, this was the last day of my exhibit in Wassenaar showing my boxes and I sold exactly nothing. Huge tailspin. Now that I'm, almost, done feeling sorry for myself I'm doing a major evaluation of my work, pricing etc. All opinions regarding the pricing of art are welcome. Particularly fiber art. Especially labor intensive art. Now I understand minimalism even more.

The procrastination part of this post is to say that I am yet still uneducated in the ways of digital photography and downloading images, BUT, there is talk in this house that it WILL happen this next weekend...

Keep checking, keep hoping, keep creating...

Morphing

2006-02-14T21:31:00.000-08:00

I've been working all week on my painting homework. Mainly, I am struggling with perspective. The main thing is doing it in charcoal. I'm so used to the precision of the pencil. But I understand the purpose of it. It is much more painterly. I think I got something, or understood it rather. My head feels a bit upside down though. Kind of like going from patting your tummy and rubbing your head to rubbing your tummy and patting your head. Or rollerskating and iceskating. Painting is not the same as drawing and it's been so long I forgot the feeling! I'm loving it though, the challenge and mind puzzle of it. This feels like the right road for me now.

In fact, it's giving me lots of ideas about my textiles so I know there is a marriage in there somewhere. Still, I'd like to get this new batik series finished. I originally thought it would be twelve pieces, but now I'm thinking five, or even three. I love the batik too and the different problems it presents. Actually it is not far from painting and I can see where the paintng skills I learn can be used in it. Right now though the images I'm using are rather flat so I've been avoiding it while I've been training my mind this week to see in three dimensions.

I'm learning so much these days, painting, Dutch, yoga...I feel as if I'm morphing into something else, a newer me. For this morning though I am still a sleepy me so Iwill sign off for now. As for the photos promised, that will have to be next week. Morphing has taken a lot of time and that particular element in the new me has been put off till next week, but they shall come. If you blog it, it will come...

Why Art?

2006-02-11T08:38:00.000-08:00

Why do I do art? When I was young I wanted to be a vet. I loved, still love, animals so much and felt such a rapport with them. Alas, my concentration wasn’t there for memorizing all the formulas and facts to get through the science class. Of course, then I didn’t realize I was a visual learner. That took years.

When I went to college I thought I had to have a career decision right away, so I thought, well, I’m good wit kids...so I went into early childhood education. My concentration was Montessori, which is where I started myself in the education system. I went to a very peaceful women’s college in Indiana. But I became dissatisfied with program. Not wanting to give up being an EC teacher, I transferred to another school. Still I was dissatisfied, but not with the program this time. I just knew that was not who I was in the end. In the meantime I took a drawing class with a graduate student who encouraged me to “just let go.” What a concept. I took to it like a drowning sailor.

Still, I had to graduate and fast because money was running out, or going out, so I chose Office Administration. Well, I might have just cut off my right arm. In desperation I spoke to my drawing teacher and she said, “You could get run over by a truck tomorrow, what are you going to do today?” That helped. I took what I had left of my education classes, combined it with art and, with the help of a few loans and regular cashier’s job, got a degree in teaching art.

Learning to teach art was a great way to have an excuse to learn many art materials, from ceramics to sculpture, drawing to painting. But my love for fiber was drawn out from Barbara Lewis, the weaving teacher at JMU. She taught me the basics of silk painting that started me on a road of exploration that I am still on today.

Upon graduation, I taught for a year, then began working in an office and teaching part time in an art center. I also started teaching Surface Design in the evenings, which gave me more opportunities to play with fiber and see the products available out there. During this time, I met the most important person in my life and married him. Soon afterwards, we bought a house in France. We began a very nomadic life of going back and forth to the States every three months. Obviously I had no way to hold down a “real” job, so I turned to my art, which in truth I had only been doing part time till then.

Finding myself in a different culture, this was often my sanity. I could sit down and lose myself in a design or painting. It gave me a sense of self and security. Then I was given the opportunity to have a show in a local gallery, but I needed thirty pieces! That really set me off. I produced those paintings non-stop, working in a method of applying thickened dyes to raw silk, painting the images, and then quilting them.

I decided to try and be a bit more commercial and began creating one-of-a-kind shawls for retail, which I sold in museums and in New York City. Hanging a show in a dance center, I met Deborah Riley and she invited me to collaborate with her to create scenery for her dance piece “Old Cronies.” That was a whole other challenge because suddenly I was dealing with size and distance. It was very exciting to see her and her dance troupe bring the paintings to life. I felt very lucky to work with her and again created cloth for another piece for the Kennedy Center.

Dimension suddenly changed when I decided to pose myself the challenge of creating my storyboxes. It began as a need to find something that people could fit into apartments and also a search for a unique way to frame. Let me step back a minute and say that my work has always been about telling a story, whether it is from my dreams, or stories I have read, or experiencing nature. I build up my stories from research of symbols of many cultures and the beliefs they have that give meaning to them. Gardens of Eden is a series of storiesabout the garden and the four elements, with a bit of magic added in. It was in “Garden’s” that I began exploring hand-embroidery as embellishment. This idea I carried through to Women in Transformation, or is it that I was carried off myself? I spent over three hundred hours on each “Woman” before I felt they were “done.”

After finishing Women in Transformation, our lives took another turn. We moved to Holland and settled into a less nomadic lifestyle. I began drawing nudes and portraits in pencil. I had already starting drawing more for my last series of paintings in order to discover more about shadow. Now I couldn’t put the pencil down. The pencil led to drawing in pastel, then pastel and pencil, and then a bit of watercolor. I still worked on my textiles, only a bit slower. Then, this last summer I obtained studio space. At last I could get back to doing larger pieces! Since then, I have been exploring batik again. Having only touched on it before I feel I am now really beginning to understand it. It is a bit freer than working with the thickened dye, at least in the way I was working. I am combining my love of drawing the figure and nature into a new series of paintings or art quilts that will use the first batik painting as a “seed”, then, as they grow, paint, printing, and other methods of creating images on fabric that I have been wanting to play with.

In the meantime, I will continue drawing in pencil and other materials and will begin exploring painting in the Realist method. The creative path is a winding one and I don’t know where it will lead me, but I am truly enjoying the journey and sharing it with you!

And You Learn, and you learn, and you learn...

2006-02-08T06:19:00.000-08:00

I'm learning so much these days that my head might explode! I'll send everyone a piece of it to see what you can do with it in your art. ;0)

Just got done with painting class and that was amazing. I'm totally looking at everything differently. He started me out working in charcoal relearning perspective and values. I've really got some bad old habits to break. This class is totally worth it and my teacher is the best! I hope I can wrap my head around all of it. This is definitely my main art priority these days.

I've been showing my work so much lately and learning tons from everyone's comments about it. I love it when people give me their opinions. It gets to easy to see my own work in a tunnel. I've learned about the framing and presentation so much. Also, today a comment from Hakim on the framing and concept really made me think. I love how he sees Realist painting as a way of thinking about so many other media. It really is a good basis to start from. In a lot of ways we are really coming from the same place, only he has gone deeper. I love it when people make me think!

Learning more about how to present my work these days too and that is a biggie. Also a major goal for me, marketing my work. I hate it but there you are, that is how the world runs. (As the child inside me cries, "I just want to play!")

So, thanks to everyone out there who is offering their two cents, it's all priceless to me!

Quickie

2006-02-05T00:11:00.000-08:00

Sat all day at the gallery yesterday and we had all of three people come in. Sigh... But I was able to have a long talk with Floor about painting and other sundry. Perhaps we will take oil painting together in the fall. Check out her website by googling her name "Floor Fernhout". She does some pretty cool woodcut prints with lots of pattern.

So now I will be taking painting with Hakim Tourdiev on Wednesdays by myself! I feel completely spoiled. Yesterday just confirmed to me even more that this is the right direction for me. I should really be developing my drawing and painting skills and concentrating less on fiber. At first this was a bit sad, but I am really excited now. I didn't think I had much skill in drawing previously, but I've been drawing a lot these last three years and advanced quite a bit. I think I'm ready to commit.

Of course the fiber won't let me go so I will do what I can, just on a little less than the painting and drawing. I still have this series of Eve or woman and the garden to finish. I've barely started as I've been spending the past months figuring out batik and the image I want to develop. Now I'm there though and have two paintings at least that I'm satisfied are on their way. I'll post pictures of them sometime next week. (I hope.) After the batik series is finished I hope to use each of those images to start a whole bed quilt for each. This will involve printing on fabric and any other method I can play with. This will be my play time away from my more "serious" study of drawing and painting. All work and no play...right?

So now I am off to the studio to clean and get ready for this group of people who will come to see what I'm up to. It's headed up by an artist that my yoga teacher referred to me. Should be pretty fun, though being an bit shy, it is always a challenge to me to deal with a group of people. I usually manage and they don't know how terrified I am inside. Terrified of what I don't know, confrontation? Rejection? Anyway, I'll just have to put on my social hat and do my duty. Perhaps I will make some new friends! This is what I love and hate about being a public artist. You meet many interesting new people but at the same time you have to put yourself out there. I wonder if other artists feel this way?

My reward is to go see a performance tonite of a friend of mine who is mixing music with performance and technology and art. Should be stimulating! I'll get her full name here after I see it. Never can remember last names! Trouble enough with the first ones!

Right, I'm off to face the lions, tigers and bears, oh my!

Day One, Again

2006-02-03T23:15:00.000-08:00

Good morning one and all! This is the rebirth of blogging for me and new start to let everyone know what I am doing in art, and maybe a little bit of life thrown in. I will be adding photos of my finished work and my work in process and keep you up to date with my exhibits and other artistic doings. This blog was on my list of New Year's Resolutions and, being it is now beginning February, I thought it about time to get it going! So, here are my NYR's for anyone's perusal and for my own reminder:

1) Get a blog going again (check that :0) )

2) Keep my blog updated

3) Update and keep updating my website: kimpower.net

4) Submit to galleries and exhibits

5) Get my work "out there" to share with everyone

6)Get used to using technology (groan...) using the computer and digital camera

Ok, I think that's enough for one year, no? Well, of course I have a longer list, but some of that is between me and, well, me. :0)

I look forward to everyone's comments and sharing ideas.

Today: On the agenda today is going to clean up my studio! I admit to being bit a a slob when left to myself. The impetus is I have two groups coming to my studio this week! One tomorrow and one on Tuesday! I had to move my drawing students from Tuesday to do it but they were very understanding. (Thanks guys!) Then, this afternoon I will be off to the Molen galerie to sit for three hours while it is open. Here's the link to their site:

http://www.vwbk.nl/agenda.html

And yes, they finally took off the "s" on the end of my name. Note to myself in the future: Make sure to EMPASIZE from the beginning that there is no "s" on my last name! I won't get into that rant though.

Thanks to everyone on the Quiltart list for your advice about what to do about the "s" and about how to conduct myself at the opening. Of course, the opening was one big blur for me. I felt like sugar taffy. I must remember faces and names under pressure. The same affect with names happens to me as with numbers when I am put on the spot, complete blank. Not so nice for all those nice friends who came to support me. If I seemed poor on introductions, just know I have this temporary amnesia. If you really want to be nice, just say, "Hi Kim, I'm (your name), we've known eachother for years, remember?" :0) Hopefully, I'll wake up then.

Also, in the future I have to be clearer about how I want my work hung. I was way to relaxed about that and now of course I'm seeing all the ways I should have done it. Sigh...

Also, I really need to reframe those Women in Transformation. I haven't been happy with the frame since I had to give up my first handmade frames when we moved to Holland. Just got a bit of an idea this morning though. Right now, they're in a turquoise blue from nailed around a lavendar canvas. Thanks to Christine for pointing out that they were hanging too loosely and others just for telling me the frames did not "work" with the pieces. I didn't even relize the difference between my first storybox pieces and these till someone pointed it out. The first ones, I didn't put any border on the textile painting and on the second I sewed a border. It works a lot better without a border in the frame. So, nowI'm playing with the idea of another decorative border around that border like in old illustrated books and then I have to think about different framing. It means more work... after already over three hundred hours in each piece, but in the end it must look right! No sense in going halfway down that path!

Ok, I'm off for the start of my busy day, starting with my ritual walk with the doggie, Leon, my muse, my pal, my pot of glue...

Welcome!